Thursday 9 May 2013

A family sit on the grass. They're probably having a fight.Quit the magical thinking about other people's families.

Just "trying" can't fix all issues. It's magical thinking to assume because your family works in such a way, that mine will too.

I have a relation who is not a member of my family. It's not information I offer upon meeting people, but I mention it conversationally when it's pertinent to the discussion, or, more often, when it's wheedled out of me around major holidays.

Occasionally, one of these pryers is horrified and tells me that any member of blood kin is worth forging a relationship, no matter what the evidence to the contrary. I've said, "You don't understand, they have never made any effort to contact me. In decades." and been told, "I do understand. I went through a rough patch with my family in high school, and they just helped me buy a house."

This is not helpful. People who say things like that are not the sort of people who I keep in my life. Because my life is packed full of good people, people who care about me deeply and want to get coffee and brunch and maybe spend major holidays with me. People who believe me when I say something isn't happening, and talk about something else when I change the subject.

I've tried to fix the issues in my life by thinking, "It is not so bad," and "Maybe I am exaggerating," and by tapping my goddamn heels together.

It is harder than that, and some things aren't fixable.

Some things don't need fixing. Because some things are better than family.


  1. "Oh," people say, "but that's so sad. It would be better for you if you tried."

    "Oh," say I, "but that's terribly naive. It would be better for you to not continue this path of conversation."

    1. That is the best response. I'm going to steal it!

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